Jesus don't you wait up . . .
Jesus I'll be home soon . . .
Jesus I'll be home soon . . .
Johnny Cash/U2
I was born with a North American sense of disconnectedness that is typical of the first journeys to this continent. And as they all spoke Irish in my grandmother’s house after church on Sunday morning, I was struck on how they’d all been still and quiet for at least a thousand years in their stone churches on the old sod, then shifted quickly from Ireland to England for awhile then Boston and the little mill town Fall River just south, all in barely a hundred years. Some had gone to Canada and worked down the Mississippi to New Orleans – women who waited till they met an Irish soldier during the Civil War to bring them North to the other Irish. Others came straight with 30 others kinsmen, doing odd jobs – some were circus performers, steeple jacks and prize fighters. In the old country some were Catholic and some were Church of England but they all converged in the Boston Irish church by the vicissitudes of dislocation. The only thing that kept them together was Ada Mary Synnott, my mother’s mother, and when she died, their sense of themselves as Irish people died as well. In one way they were free to be Americans. But their Irish soul and the old sod would no longer beckon, and there was a loss felt which found nothing yet here to replace it. The factories were all empty then – moved South – and the beautiful elms which lined the country streets were all dying, just as I was coming up. It left an empty feeling so as soon as I could I headed for New York City , determined to start again from scratch. I loved New York and still do, but I’ve never been back barely in 25-some odd years. I met my wife there and we headed South to a little farm in the sweetest town in the Appalachians made sweet by the smell of tobacco wafting through the ridges in the neighboring tobacco fields. In fact the town was called Tobaccoville, in the foothills of the Blue Ridge , and the street we lived on was Tobaccoville Road . Our babies were born there and my American life began there - connected at last; this time to red clay, after long breakage which began on another continent 100 years before.
Just as our third young ‘un was about to come up, I woke up one day with a picture in my head. Was a dream just before waking and it was a simple picture of a circle with an X drawn through it. It was a dream which brought a feeling of strength and curiosity – as if something was about more interesting than everyday life and I was moved somehow by it. So I drew a picture of it, put it in my pocket and went to work. That afternoon at the college I worked at I took a lunch break and wandered through the college book store. My eye was caught by the book Black Elk Speaks. I’d vaguely remembered it from college, but I’d never read it, so I picked it off the shelf. In the center there was a section of pictures and I opened the book to a picture Black Elk had drawn of “the center of the world.” It was the picture I’d dreamed of that morning and stuck in my pocket.
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This would be somewhere around 1993 and for these two or three years life took on a new dimension. Stuff like this happened all the time. Subtle awareness appeared to come from nowhere and from somewhere else I’d no intuition or knowledge of. During this period I read the wonderful book, Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain and learned to draw fairly well in a very short time. I began to paint some of my dreams. This picture at the top with flames coming out of the head was dead center of this period. I named him Parthalon Flyingsnake DeCoursy
with help from my children who thought Bernie Quigley was a boring name anyway. The Flyingsnake thing is from a dream I had when my daughter was born and a ride in the truck at that time when a hawk, carrying a six-foot-long black snake almost wacked my windshield, dragged down from the air by the weight of the snake. She was our only girl and the snake in the sky became kind of a symbol of our family. The Hair-on-Fire picture suggests the emergence of an inner life at the age of around 50, which I had never experienced well before. Another painting – several like this – had a secondary character falling away and a new man emerging from it as if from a carcass. I began to read extensively then in Tibetan Buddhism, Hinduism and in the work of Swiss psychologist C.G. Jung to understand the dreams. This picture is similar to the Hindu story of Shiva abandoning his old personality and rising out of it for a new creative dance – a natural passage in a life well and fairly lived. I have mentioned this in one of the first entries in this journal and will mention it again. I learned about it myself by painting these pictures.
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Then at the very end of the dream series I dreamed I was walking through a temple/museum type building carrying two books (which presumably, I had found in the Land of the Dead). The one said “Hinduism” and the other said “Buddhism.” I was leaving the world I had entered when I was left by my Indian friends by the stone circle. As I approached the doors to the road outside I noticed a man to my left (the creative, intuitive side of consciousness) wearing brown, working man’s clothing. Then I notice he was wearing war paint on his face – it was one of my Indian guides escorting my exit from the temple. Then he reached over to the books I was carrying and he dragged his thumb across the cover. “That’s trash,” he said.
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